Posts Tagged ‘MRI’

7 Januarys

JanuaryYou remember that thing in middle school (I assume it still happens), where a kid is rushing down the hallway, her arms full of books and another a-hole kid sticks his foot out, sending the first kid flying to the ground, stuff scattering all over the floor? That has been 2013 for me so far.

I spend my holiday vacation gathering up enthusiasm for the new year. The nausea meds were working and 2013 was going to be IT! I was already planning the tattoo I would get to celebrate when the pain finally vacated. January was the month that my Doctor would finalize my diagnosis and schedule the cure.

I just had to fail a couple of tests first. I began with another MRI. Did you know that 1 in 100,000 people are allergic to the contrast they use to day-glow your insides? Turns out, I am one of the lucky ones. Not going to go into great detail about what happened in that tube, nobody needs to relive that. Test two was an endoscopy (scope down your throat to view your insides & take pictures), they threw in some secretion to really piss-off my pancreas.

The attending Doc woke me from my sedation haze to tell me that everything looked great, “absolutely fine” he says smiling at me. I could barely speak, I think I nodded. Lucy just yanked the football away, again. I lay there, on the ground, for a day and a half.

Figuratively, of course. My body got up, put on my winter gear and hiked back to the car with my family. I crawled onto my couch with my girls, cried with my husband, and took an extra day home to comprehend how I would revive the part of me that makes the hope.

Praying for Endometriosis

I’m praying for Endometriosis. When My OBGYN told me I needed a surgical procedure, I lit up like a kid on Christmas. She and I laughed as we went over my (comically long) pre-op medical history. I called my husband from the car and he was happy to get the good news. I hung up the phone and realized how ridiculous this would sound to anyone outside of my little circle.

When you have undefinable pain, caused by a controversial disease, most of your Doctor visits involve a wild goose chase. Typically the Doc has a new theory, often based on a weird symptom that you’ve discovered. The second appointment is testing: CT scans, MRIs, tubes in places you’d rather they not be. (I once had a tube through my nose, down my throat and into my belly for 36 hours. The best part was that you could not swallow when they placed the tube. Right.) The third appointment is when the Doc tells you the tests show nothing conclusive. Back to the drawing board, tears in the car, “maybe I’m crazy, but that seems unlikely, as those psych tests were also negative.” It is wrenching and you find yourself praying for very weird things, like endometriosis.

Please don’t get me wrong. Endometriosis is a painful disease and I do not envy anyone who has it. I just want something with a name, something with a researched plan of action and I prefer it to be non-life threatening. So it looks like I will be the most positive person in my hospital this week. Please put me in your wishes, and please pray for Endometriosis.

Fence Jumper

I must have been a real ass in a past life. Karmic-ly, I am certainly paying for something. Band-aids are the only things that don’t freak me out in a Doctor’s office, it helps if they have Barbie on them. Unfortunately, I seem to have drawn the short straw when it comes to a need for clinic visits – I’m in and out of one medical office or another weekly and I just can’t seem to get accustom to the anxiety involved.

I had an MRI today, open and sitting (preferable to the original casket version). No needles or contrast required, I just had to sit there and watch the big screen TV for half an hour. I spent most of it trying not to fall asleep, explaining to the Tech that I had an 8 week old baby with colic, so he wouldn’t think I was a narcolept. By the time I left, I needed to curl up under my quilt, fetal style and submerse myself in Stars Hollow until the world felt right again.  Instead, I grabbed a cup of coffee and went back to work, annoyed by this seemingly unjustified state of emotional exhaustion.

When I’m feeling high minded, I think this constant brush with my mortality has me tweaking. It’s not something I’m conscious of, but somewhere my body is telling my brain that pain = death. Most of the time I think it has more to do with disappointment. Every visit, procedure and new medication brings with it the possibility of a cure. After 6 years, they feel more like the beginning of another failed attempt. Hello wall, here’s my head.

I’ve been reading a brilliant book, The Pain Chronicles by Melanie Thernstrom, and she mentions a study in which dogs are subject to chronic pain over a long period of time. The study found that 9 out of 10 dogs will lie down and just take the pain, while one dog continuously attempts to  jump the fence. I’m a fence jumper.  With the jumping comes the fall. The study fails to mention whether or not the jumping dog comforts his failed attempts with Gilmore Girl reruns, but picturing it kinda turns this crap afternoon around, doesn’t it?

National Pain Report

What You Don't Know Can Hurt You

SeasonedSistah2

Today is Better Than Yesterday

These Next 6 Months

It's all about perspective...

The New Melissa

Finding the new "normal" and creating a new life with migraine disease

Tissue Tales

My journey, navigating through life with a Connective Tissue Disorder.

Chronically Inspired

Rising Above Pain Creatively

intoxreport.wordpress.com/

'The Contra-Connoisseur’s Guide to Wine, Beer, Spirits And Other Stuff The World Got Right'.

Living Life As I See Fit

Because There is More To Me Than Just Rheumatoid Arthritis & Fibromyalgia

The Diary of a Happy Mom: 40 and Beyond

The trials and tribulations of an adventurous modern mom

Pain In The Mom

...trying to keep sane while in chronic pelvic pain

Graceful Agony

Living your best life in spite of having chronic illness and pain

grUBER FIT

Health, Fitness, Experience, and Adventure

Bucket List Publications

Indulge- Travel, Adventure, & New Experiences

Not From Around Here

Adventures as a Stranger in a Strange Land

Tea Time with Mandy

Only in Canada? Pity.