The Inside Park

Most Saturdays, you and I brave the cold just long enough to get from the fogged car into the St Anthony Park and Rec building. We strip down the layers of fleece and head for the inside park. The ball pit terrifies you, most of the other children terrify you. But, you love the inside park. We shuffle around in our stockings, climbing the slide, throwing the bouncy balls, just you and I. No TV to distract, no phone ringing, no adult conversation.

We take a break and drink our juice at the mini picnic tables. I spy on the big kid parents, chatting on benches, reading their mystery novels. I covet the life of a big kid parent, I am terrified to get there too soon. We bundle up and head out to the frozen car. I feel like the best mother in the world, wholesome, we are apple pie.

But, this Saturday I don’t have the cash for the St Anthony Park and Rec. I introduce you to the other inside park, at the mall. I run from the far-end of the parking lot, snuggling you close to my scarf. We take the elevator to the sunless lower level, pass the Rag Stock and into the abandon store space next to the JC Penny’s.

You are delighted with the rubber trees, the tent, the giant ladybug. I feel the strange need to watch the crowd, to protect you from the mall playground predators. You discover the rides and are happy to climb all over the fire truck, TV roller coaster, horse…no quarters required.

We sit on the carpet and eat cheddar bunnies, staring at the tower of bubble gum machines. I scan the other parents: breast feeding, checking for text messages, dragging kids out the door. Slowly, I recognize a feeling of desperation. A want for more, trapped in this florescent lighted room…suddenly I am this, whatever the opposite of apple pie is.  It feels like the gum stuck hard on the bottom of the giant ladybug.

We pack our things into the stroller and take the elevator to the top floor of the JC Penny’s. Headed for home and a nap, under quilts, on the couch.

You ask to go back to the other inside park and I take you Saturday after Saturday. I hide my shame, my desperation, from you. I am waiting like a junkie for the summer, the real daylight and the warm wading pool.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

The Littlest Rabbit

Just another WordPress.com weblog

National Pain Report

What You Don't Know Can Hurt You

SeasonedSistah2

Today is Better Than Yesterday

These Next 6 Months

It's all about perspective...

The New Melissa

Finding the new "normal" and creating a new life with migraine disease

Tissue Tales

My journey, navigating through life with a Connective Tissue Disorder.

Chronically Inspired

Rising Above Pain Creatively

intoxreport.wordpress.com/

'The Contra-Connoisseur’s Guide to Wine, Beer, Spirits And Other Stuff The World Got Right'.

Living Life As I See Fit

Because There is More To Me Than Just Rheumatoid Arthritis & Fibromyalgia

The Diary of a Happy Mom: 40 and Beyond

The trials and tribulations of an adventurous modern mom

Pain In The Mom

...trying to keep sane while in chronic pelvic pain

Graceful Agony

Living your best life in spite of having chronic illness and pain

grUBER FIT

Health, Fitness, Experience, and Adventure

Bucket List Publications

Indulge- Travel, Adventure, & New Experiences

Not From Around Here

Adventures as a Stranger in a Strange Land

Tea Time with Mandy

Only in Canada? Pity.

%d bloggers like this: