I’ve been really struggling to blog about my last few pain treatments for two reasons: they have not been positive experiences and I’m having a hard time putting them into a bigger perspective — giving them meaning. Maybe you will see something I do not.

Since delivering my daughter (4 months ago) I have switched pain clinics. The last one had nothing left for me but narcotics. My new doc came at me with three new injections and Lyrica – promising that he would relieve me of my need for pain killers. The injections did not work, the last actually made my pain worse. The Lyrica did not work, but it did make me feel like I’d been at a frat party all day and it turned me yellow.

I ended up back in the pain office begging for relief. This time I saw the NP. Funny how, when a Doc’s procedures fail, they transfer you to the Nurse Practitioner’s calendar.  I paid my $25 co-pay for her to read my file to me (she clearly had not taken a look at it), look down her nose at me and make me feel like garbage for taking vicodin. She then proceeded to tell me that she could not offer me any plan of action without talking to the Doc. That is when I started crying. I had been waiting two weeks for this appointment, in more pain that I had ever had (thanks to their damn injection) and she was ready to send me home with nothing, after being a complete bitch. To appease me, she produced samples of a new medication, Cymbalta, and promised to call Monday with a new plan of action.

That was a week and a half ago. I have received no phone call and am running low on my samples. The Docs love you when they think they have the super-hero answers, not so much when they have failed you. It makes the patient feel like a freak of nature letdown. This is where I normally try to shed some light on the positive, on the future. I can’t do it today. I am angry at my pain clinic, I am suffering some nasty side effects and I am sad that this is how I have spent my holiday season.

Patients deserve better, I deserve better. Even if you can’t fix me, be humane and stick by me when things get difficult. How can any of these Doctors be surprised when their patients start abusing their narcotics? What options have they left them?


3 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Melissa on December 15, 2011 at 4:06 pm

    Oh, now I understand why I only get to schedule with the NP or the PA at my GI clinic! That sucks. It’s not our fault our bodies don’t read the pain/GI textbook.


  2. Posted by Jen T on December 15, 2011 at 8:16 pm

    I’m so sorry Malia. I’m also livid to hear this because it’s the exact same shit my little sis gets every time she goes to a new doc. Make me wonder why people become doctors when they seem to never actually care for a patient unless they’re an easy fix. Sending big hugs your way. And let me know I can help with anything- babysitting, beating up stupid doctors…you name it 🙂 xo


  3. Oh Malia – I’m so sorry to hear about this. There is definitely something broken with our system & chronic pain is SO totally misunderstood by most of the world. I hope that somewhere out there you find relief that you deserve soon!! I’m sending healing vibes your way.


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