The sun and the moon

Pregnancy, I’m discovering, leads to a very special kind of obsessive-compulsive state.  It completely out ranks the crazed focus of a bride-to-be, surpasses the “instrument” obsessed Soprano diva. If I am awake, I am thinking about one of two things: What the hell is my body doing now OR Next week, when the baby…next month, when the babywhen the baby comes…I’ll apologize now if you have been anywhere near me in the last 5 months, you are certain to know too much. I find myself shouting to my husband, from the bathroom, about the quality of my pee; discussing food aversions with the checkout lady; showing the 15-20 week gestation video on my ipad to anyone who happens to sit too close.

I have given in to the mania. After spending years worrying over a pain I could not control, I feel this baby lifting me up. I am reminded of  being a daydreaming second grader, fantastical stories building themselves in my head as I wandered my way through the lunch line, math class, bus rides. It is quite possibly the last time I  lived in this imagined world.

I realize that this baby is not the sun and the moon for you, but please just smile and nod at me for the next few months. That glow you see is the euphoria of a dream about to come true. You’d be obsessed too.

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