Pandora’s Box

I’ve been forced to accept many, many things in the last few years.  But I guess the one thing I never really accepted was the fact that I wouldn’t have a second child – that my daughter would not have a sibling. We began the long dig through the process of adoption and got far enough to realize we could not afford it. Years from now maybe, hopefully.

I found myself becoming a baby-stocker, offering to watch friend’s small ones more often than seemed sane. A day at the beach this summer with little Molly and her year-old cheeks drove me back to my computer. Maybe there is a way…my levels have been really good for two years…I am stronger than this pain. I googled five thousand related articles in 24 hours. Set appointments with three doctors, including a therapist to measure my level of insanity, terrified. Pandora’s box had been opened and truth be told, I was already breathing easier.

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