Throw another log on the fire.

I’m certain that some of this sounds pretty fun. I’m sure you enjoyed that precious  bottle of vicodin you got after your dental work. But there are nasty and sometimes unexpected side effects. Things a young mom does not find helpful.

An hour after my very first dose of neurontin, I had to tuck my daughter in for a very early nap because I could not stay upright long enough to keep her safe.  I have had patches that make it impossible to focus for more that 30 seconds on any given activity, what manager doesn’t love that? I require more sleep than any parent has a right to get. The scope of what people in chronic pain are suppose to live with, in order to have a relatively sane life, is ridiculous.

So when my hair started falling out and my legs cramped my body into submission at yoga, I thought nothing of it. When I woke up with my left eye bulging out of my face, I decided to google. Two days later I was diagnosed with  a severe case of Graves Disease and two weeks later my thyroid was rendered useless. I was told that I should not try to have another child, the levels of hormone in my body would not support good fetal development.

For me, having this daily pain feels like I am already doing my part, already above the line of general health. Its like a healthy person having a daily cold, or migraine. It seems that I should then get a pass on the flu, pink eye, thyroid disease. I was overwhelmed with this second log being throw on my fire. And truly mourning the loss of my future child – the one we had dreamed of and planned on, as certain as the rising of the sun.


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