Type A

We lost our first baby on the day we were to hear the heartbeat. I was blissfully unaware of the 12 week trial period in which one prays every time they wipe.  I’m not sure what was more wrenching, the betrayal of my body or the guilt over that last glass of wine. We bought a little wooden box, a heart carved into the front, and poured all of our devastation into it.

Ironically, we discovered that I have a slightly bi-uterus, a heart shaped uterus. If implantation happens on the stem part of the heart there isn’t enough nutrition to create a viable baby. I entered into a high risk pregnancy with a terror only known to parents in their first term. I compensated by  becoming THE BEST Type A, rule following mommy-to-be in the world.  When my daughter came into the universe, screaming that healthy scream we all hope to hear, she had never seen a drop of coffee, dose of Tylenol or hot tub.

I was super mom and this infant, this reward I’d been given, would be all of the things I imagined she could be. This being, more beautiful that any being ever sent to our world, would be the finest thing ever to happen to me.


One response to this post.

  1. for all of us that have lost a child you prominently put into words the fears of all mothers…

    Children do not need to walk on this earth to leave footprints on our heart.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

The Littlest Rabbit

Just another WordPress.com weblog

National Pain Report

What You Don't Know Can Hurt You


Today is Better Than Yesterday

These Next 6 Months

It's all about perspective...

The New Melissa

Finding the new "normal" and creating a new life with migraine disease

Tissue Tales

My journey, navigating through life with a Connective Tissue Disorder.

Chronically Inspired

Rising Above Pain Creatively


'The Contra-Connoisseur’s Guide to Wine, Beer, Spirits And Other Stuff The World Got Right'.

Living Life As I See Fit

Because There is More To Me Than Just Rheumatoid Arthritis & Fibromyalgia

The Diary of a Happy Mom: 40 and Beyond

The trials and tribulations of an adventurous modern mom

Pain In The Mom

...trying to keep sane while in chronic pelvic pain

Graceful Agony

Living your best life in spite of having chronic illness and pain


Health, Fitness, Experience, and Adventure

Bucket List Publications

Indulge- Travel, Adventure, & New Experiences

Not From Around Here

Adventures as a Stranger in a Strange Land

Tea Time with Mandy

Only in Canada? Pity.

%d bloggers like this: